The "sincere" breakup letter

Dear Elizabeth

                  Hey, Elly. How's it going? Well, you see, I'm having a hard time, after that "incident". I hope you're not in much despair as I am, cuz' I feel like I'm living out the worst days of my life. I can see you wondering why I have sent you letter, since I had never gave you any letters before. But, I had to write my words in letter, because I won't be able to see you in the face when I'm saying it to you. Elly, despite all the time we have spent together and all the love we have given each other, I think...I think..we should breakup. I see no hope nor future in our relationship anymore. You would never know how it feels when the image of you and Mitchell snuggling together punches my mind every second. It's just.. I just can't stand it anymore. I know I still love you (although I don't know you have the same feeling), but I think the time has come to say good bye.

                  You know what? To be frank now breaking up with you, all the accouterments I bought you, the gems, food, restaurants, were actually fake. The event of our anniversary? It wasn't actually our event. The name just happened to be the same with us luckily. The time I told you that you look fabulous in front of the movie theater, I was actually talking to the Darth Vader statue.
                  One more thing, All the food I bought for you? I all purchased with coupons. Not one penny of my money was spent for you. If I didn't have any coupons, then I would not have bought anything. Moreover, do you remember all my sweet promises and honey words? There were all from Google. I didn't really mean it, just for fun.

                  Everyday I told you "I love you". In the midst of the sentence, I would stop and wonder whether I was convincing myself. I love myself the most. I'm so beautiful and impossible to touch. I'm the God of Universe.

                  But generally speaking, isn't this what all people think deep in their hearts? And especially you? One cannot love another, if he does not love himself. I love myself sincerely. So, the fact that I was not sincere to you means that you were simply just not lovely enough for me to love you. Believe me, I tried. Really hard. YOU made it impossible. Have you ever tried to care about my interests? Do you know my favorite car is a green Tico?

                  Am I hurting your feelings? If so, good cuz' you deserve to be hurt. You are such a selfish creature. I know every human has selfishness in themselves, but they at least try to pretend they care about other people. I love myself, but I tell you that I love you for the sake of it. You were selfish not just in your mind, but with your acts as well. You never show any effort to tell me you love me. Do you even love me? Well, I'm starting doubt it. But then again, your answer to this question is no longer important. You've lost your chance, and it's too late.

                  Do you feel the pain? The stabbing at your heart? Yeah, I'm feeling it too, only hundred times worse. You should regret for not loving me as much you could've done. I don't think you can find a better person than me. You have my words. Then, get lost, my sweetest but most painful memory.

                                                                                                                                             "Sincerely", Your Ex